STARTING TO THRIVE
Because this scene was also praised by the director*, I suddenly felt more confident, and stopped feeling as apprehensive. The scene after required teacher Sun Chun to help up the kneeling me, and then we'd hug. At the time, teacher Sun Chun was supposed to looked pained, but the role he was playing was one that wouldn't show his pain to the child in front of him, because he was the pillar of the family.*
T/N: Again for context, director Kong Sheng on this scene: In the scene where Pingjing returns from his victory in war, he walks down the long hall to his elderly father, who is sitting in the room, watching him. When Pingjing finally reaches his father and falls to his knees - the two actors are absolutely fantastic in that scene. Pingjing has a lot of burdens on his shoulders and is feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions, and Haoran did a great job showing that.I quietly went to discuss with Brother Dahong (one of the assistant directors). I felt that Xiao Tingsheng's character had always suppressed his emotions, so wouldn't it make sense that he finally let go in this scene?Brother Dahong said, though it would be good for him to finally release his feelings, his son was also in this scene. The father wouldn't want his child to see his frail, pained side.So then I suggested, when teacher Sun Chun helped me up, I would hug him. With my head on his shoulder, and his head on mine, I wouldn't be able to see the expression on his face, and therefore, they would be able to film what he was feeling.I didn't watch the replay of the scene after we filmed it, so I don't know what kind of expression teacher Sun Chun had on his face, but when director Kong Sheng watched it, his eyes were full of tears, and said we were good to move on.Before this scene, I wasn't very relaxed on the set of Nirvana In Fire 2. It was a big production, a serious drama, and the actors were all very experienced ones. They had a great presence to them, and I didn't have anyone close to my age around, so I felt very uneasy. I was also afraid to talk to people, so most of the time, I was huddled in a corner thinking.But after we finished the final shot of that scene, I suddenly felt great. Because in the previous scenes with the veteran actors, they had always helped me with the emotional delivery, but in that moment, I suddenly felt like I could give something to the actors opposite of me in the scene.
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CRYING FOR FIVE DAYS, 20+ SCENES
After this renewed understanding of myself, my working state became better in the next few days. In five days, I filmed 20+ scenes, and almost all of them required me to cry. But it was a good start.After filming the scene where I returned home to see my father, Father took me to the royal court to ask for forgiveness. In court, Father fell gravely ill, and passed away soon after we returned home. This was all in one setting. So the next five days were spent filming crying scenes. I cried every day, continuously. In the end, I no longer had any tears. Every day when I opened my eyes, they were swollen.But the crying that took place when Father passed away was different from when older brother died. When brother died, it was helpless crying, because his death was so sudden. Xiao Pingjing was in a state of complete shock, and couldn't accept it at all.But when Father passed, Xiao Pingjing had already accepted the reality, and was prepared for it in his heart. But when it actually took place, he still couldn't control the pain he felt. It was like forcing a child to use an adult's method to dealing with things he shouldn't have to face yet.Adults do their best to supress their emotions, even if ultimately they aren't able to, while a child rejects the reality of the situation enitrely. They don't want to accept it, don't want to believe it. It's a feeling of utter helplessness. These two types of pain is the biggest difference between thee two scenes.
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PRESSURE
I entered the set of NIF2 right after finishing Legend of the Demon Cat, and we started filming immediately. There wasn't a lot of time to do prep work, and it really was my first time filming such a big historical production. At first, I felt very lost, had no idea how to act, and wasn't sure if I was doing a good job or not.Everyone around me were veteran actors. They were all very nice, but that made me feel even more afraid. I was terrified that I wouldn't be good enough, that I would be the weak link. Sometimes when I stood by and watched the others act, I would feel extremely frustrated. I felt they all did a great job of portraying their characters, but I just couldn't get into character. I was dragging everyone down.I was so anxious that I wanted to pull off my wig, but I didn't know how to express what I was feeling. Even if I told someone, it wouldn't help. It's not like they can act for you. It really felt like I had returned to a state where acting was work, like I was going to class every day and spacing out. I'd start filming when I was told to. If it wasn't good enough, we'd do it again. There was no enthusiasm, and I had no urge to create.But as an actor, you can't be like this. If from the beginning all you're hoping for is to just quietly endure, then there is nothing you can give to the audience. It becomes a story that has nothing to do with the character.Later I found out that my initial struggles will occur in any drama filming. Because in the course of seven to eight months of filming, no one can promise that they will be able to have constant passion and enthusiasm. Everyone will have times where they feel sick, unwell, where they can't find the right feel.I was very much a green actor at the time, and was with a very strong production team, so I naturally felt that I was being held down by everyone else's presence.Dramas allow for actors to feel this way at times, but I didn't realize this then. So at the time, all I could focus on was how I felt inadequate, that I couldn't do it. Every day I was asking myself what I was doing, and scolding myself. I was so down I could no longer find my place.
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ER YE
I often chatted with Er Ye (Daylight Entertainment executive director and actor Wang Yongquan). He's a veteran actor that everyone knows, and to me, is a great actor. He's also a director, and well known for his ability to direct and act simultaneously.In Nirvana In Fire, he played Xia Jiang. In Ode to Joy, he plays Wang Ziwen's father, and Bai Baihe's dad in Surgeons. His portrayal of each role is natural and grounded. In Nirvana In Fire 2, he has a part as well (Old Master Li, Lin Xi's teacher). It feels like everyone is in Daylight Entertainment's dramas, like a big family.When I talk to him, I'll also listen to his experiences as an actor. Because when filming a drama, unless it's a situation where we're having a hard time breaking through, there isn't any time to look at replays. We are in a race against time, and there's a lot of work to be done every day.But for a truly mature actor, they know what type of expression they have with every line - there's a clear visualization in their minds. I'm not capable of that. After I'm done with a scene, I can't remember, or can't imagine what kind of state of mind and expression I had. Whenever this happened, I felt very insecure.Er Ye would come every day to the set when we were filming. Because I was still quite new, the director was very kind, and was more encouraging than anything else. He'd always say, "That's pretty good". But what does "pretty good" mean? "Pretty good" is "passable". So I wanted to act really well, because the director wouldn't say to anyone, "very good, very good".Later I went to ask Er Ye. Even though he is a lot older than I am, we had no gap between us, and he wouldn't be overly polite with me. He would tell me very straight forwardly what I needed to work on or where I did well, and we'd look at the replays together and summarize.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ACTING IN MOVIES VS DRAMAS
I've mostly been filming movies before. Time is of the essence in film. Every second that you appear, even if it was just in the background, you had to be in the right state of mind. You had a purpose. In movies, there isn't a second that's "empty", because time is so valuable.I wasn't very familiar with drama filming at the time. In dramas, there are many important scenes and more passing scenes. When you're filming, actors will do very well in the important scenes, and maybe not as well in the passing scenes. That's something I learned later on.But of course, truly great drama actors will do well with all scenes, even if it was a passing shot of them ice skating. I know Guo Jingfei is like this - he's great even in passing scenes.Drama directors will do a lot to help their actors. Actors are afraid of having to play out emotions right in front of the camera. For example, quietly reading a letter and then breaking down into tears. These type of scenes are very difficult to portray. There is no other actor, it's just you and your thoughts.For more inexperienced directors, they will focus the shot on the actor's face, but experienced drama directors will get creative. They may use empty shots or focuse on other actors to help establish the mood.In dramas, if there is a moment where your emotions may not be spot on, when the director yells cut, it won't be cut. Good directors will think of ways to smooth it out. For actors, they still want to do well, so will ask the director if they can try another take.I was a little embarrassed to do this though, so sometimes brother Dahong (Daylight Entertainment assistant director, son of the aforementioned Er Ye) will quietly ask the director for another take, and will make an excuse for me. We'd help each other so they wouldn't see through our reasons.
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DIRECTOR KAIGE LOVES TELLING STORIES
The project I had before this, Legend of the Demon Cat, was also a big production. Legend of the Demon Cat's director Kaige really knows how to explain acting, and is a director who loves telling stories. Every day after we finished a scene, director Kaige would gather up all the actors. We would each have our scripts and a pen with us, and listen as he talked to us.The actors were very intelligent, and director Kaige also explained things very clearly. After we were clear on what was needed, we knew what to do.But it's different for dramas. You have to rely on yourself to understand. During the filming of Nirvana In Fire 2, especially the first month and a half, I couldn't find my place, to the point where I felt that I wasn't cut out to be an actor.Now when I look back at what happened during filming for NIF2, there are many scenes where I felt I was quite decent. But in my heart, I also know that was due to the great atmosphere, the wonderful script, the amazing actors, etc. Every factor played an important part in the result. If you asked me to do it again, I probably couldn't get to that level.Because I'm well aware that it's not my normal level, I'll feel quite worried sometimes. What if I encounter this type of project again? What if there isn't a director, or actors who can help me then? When can I become an actor who isn't affected by his surroundings? When can I become someone who is able to help other actors?
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STAYING HALF-TRANSPARENT
For an actor, after accepting a project, it's their responsibility to study the script, to prepare in advance.I had always imagined that before starting filming, an actor will take many notes. The script will be covered with scribbles. He will write down his understanding of characters, and interpretations of his lines, whether it was on a specific term, or marking the speech pattern on a line.But when I began to start acting, I realized that what I had imagined only works for very experienced mature actors. Their experience allows them to know what kind of character analysis is correct, and what makes sense to add to their portrayal of a role.But for a new actor like me, studying, copying, listening, and understanding to the director is what takes first priority. If I try to add my immature interpretations on set at my current level, the result may not be good.I need to make sure I remain in a "half transparent and half blank" state. When I look over the script, I must not think I can understand it fully on my own. I can't be in the mindset that I already know what a scene will be like before I even get there, before I start working with the other actors.If I think I fully understand a scene, oftentimes, 99% of that is probably incorrect.So when I get a new role, the first thing I do to prepare isn't to study the script. It's to read the script and then watch works in a similar genre, to see how other people have done it. For example, for a historical project, I'll stay home and watch historical films, to find movies that have characters similar to mine. To see how experienced actors have portrayed a role, especially in different situations.I will also do my best to study the historical background. When I talk to my coworkers on set, I'll often listen to their suggestions, ask "Why?", to discuss more possibilities.When I was filming a historical project before, there was an action scene. In order to show the violence of the scene, the production team arranged for explosives to be used. But I thought, in that era, explosives wouldn't have been used as weapons yet. At most, they'd be used to get into somewhere. After the staff heard, they agreed, and decided to change how they filmed it.
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NOT SURE ABOUT A ROLE
In Midnight Diner, I played a young music producer. It was a short appearance, and at the time, I didn't think that the drama would get criticized so much once it aired (
T/N: not his part specifically - the drama as a whole received poor ratings).When I saw all the comments, I thought, if I was a character in the first episode and had to deal with so much criticism, I probably would feel very upset and disappointed.When it comes to dealing with criticism, I think I can probably handle it. In the past, because I didn't have a lot of screen time, and audiences went easy on me, I received more praise (than criticism).But in the year ahead, audiences will see me take on more challenging roles, and honestly, I'm not as sure as I was. If I really didn't do well, and received a lot of condemnation, I'll probably feel really disappointed, right?This disappointment is directed at myself. If I got a great role, and received criticism because I didn't portray it well, I'll reflect and blame myself. But if the character was meant to be an antagonist and was hateful, the backlash from audiences could be seen as praise.When I'm done with a role, I do have some concept of how I did in it and what the end result will be like, especially characters I play often.After we wrapped up filming for With You, I told my company that this role was very good, that the drama will probably be a hit, because it had the right feel. But for some other projects, when I've wrapped up filming, I'll tell my company, I'm not so sure about this role.Another sort of feeling is like when I was filming NIF2 and Legend of the Demon Cat. The insecurity I felt about the role came from the fact that it was a new genre, or a new project, a fresh feeling. They were challenging characters to play.I wasn't sure that my natural aura would match the character. And after filming, I might suddenly feel that I was a little too bold in accepting the project. But because the directors were so renowned, the production teams were so experienced, and my team decided to have me take it, it means that they believe in my ability to complete it well. So later on, I felt better.I always feel that if a project approaches me, it's because they think I'm suitable, and not because I have a certain amount of fans.Currently, I feel like I'm standing on two sides. I'm not completely a liu liang actor, but I'm also not someone who relies completely on acting skills. The projects that come looking for me right now do so because they feel like I fit the part.There have been big IPs who've approached me in the past, and gave me conditions that were very tempting. All I had to do was look cool, but after thinking about it, I ended up rejecting them. There are also a lot of projects that my company turns down for me. Sometimes, they don't even tell me about it. Both my company and I hope I can walk steadily to choose my roles, to choose ones that fit me well, and that will contribute to my growth.One time I was talking to Sicheng ge. He said, don't accept roles recklessly. Because he used to be an actor, he understands very well what good roles mean for an actor. A role that isn't quite suitable will limit one's acting skills, and may also limit their future potential. It's hard to predict.END OF CHAPTER 7.